Posted in Uncategorized

In better hands

I don’t remember your face. I don’t remember your heartbeat.

I don’t remember anything about you except I knew you were there

and one fine day, you were gone. Just like that.

We never had our first hug. Never had our first meeting.

Never whispered to each other, ‘I love you’. Never smiled

But we had each other. Even if just for a while.

If I could relive those moments , I wouldn’t change a thing

Only this time, I would whisper again and again, ‘I love you’

But I know. Someone better says it now.


*in memory of the ones we’ve lost.
Posted in My little guy

My prayer for you

2:00 am . I walk to and fro in our bedroom trying to soothe my sick and almost sleepy baby. “Lord, let baby E sleep well tonight. Let him wake up only in the morning. Lord , let baby E be calm and quiet in the flights that we take . Let baby E be well for the dinner we are hosting next week. Lord, let the vacation be a good one for us. Lord, …”

And then it struck me again. My prayers are again self-happiness seeking. I want what makes my life easier. I probably have been praying wish list prayers all my life but ever since baby E was born, it’s been easier for me to identify my selfish prayers.

“Lord, forgive me for being selfish. I pray that you will give us wisdom and strength to love and care for baby E as we walk through his sickness together. I pray that you will lead us to love in the way baby E needs it. Please heal him Lord. …..”

I’m thankful for God’s gentle reminders to walk in His ways. I’m more thankful for His forgiveness when we fail. If not for His mercy and love, where would we be?

If there’s one only prayer I could pray for baby E, this would be it.

“… asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, …”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭1:9-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Yes, baby E did eventually fall asleep. At 6:30 am. And woke up at 7:15 am.

“Lord, that strength I asked? Ummm, could you please send another dose? ”

* Baby E did go on to sleep till 8:45 am.

Posted in Dreams, Exciting day

He made me smile

Hubby is a funny guy. It sort of comes naturally to him.

The birth of our son was quite a long process ( like 8 years long.Maybe another post on that later). The delivery was painful and loooong. Like 33 hours long.

Hubby was my support person and boy, he was amazing!. Much of what happened during that time remains a blur to me. But there are somethings that are very clear in my memory. Like the time my contractions started, our son’s first cry, the time my hubby almost passed out watching me 😁

I had a bad case of nausea throughout my pregnancy. Hubby held me every single time and day as I threw up. Once the time arrived for the delivery, 5 mins after we were given a room, I was still throwing up. A nurse was helping me and I thought hubby was holding me. When all of a sudden, I could hear voices outside the washroom.

red school blur factory



“Are you alright? “. A muffled reply .

“Maybe you should take a walk. Gets some freshly air”. Silence.

“But don’t go too far”.

I knew my darling hubby was passing out. I was grinning. Thankfully, fresh air did him good and he came back fully pumped.

Good many hours later, I was pushing. And I was tired . Our baby was so happy staying inside the womb and simply refused to pop out. There were many nurses and other staff assisting. I was tired and wanted to quit ( like that’s an option!). Hubby was a super duper coach. Encouraging and counting. The room was quite bustling with activity. And all of a sudden, he goes “darling, you can do this. It’s only hard for the first baby. The second baby is easier” . The room grew quiet. I could hear one of the nurses tell him in a hushed voice ” Don’t say that now” . Despite all the pain, I chuckled inside. Like I still do every time I think about the birth.

Now when I think of the day 9 months ago, every memory I have includes hubby. Staying beside me every second. Holding my hand throughout. Talking sense into me. Being there for me. And I’m so thankful I did not have to do this without him.

Laughter is good. Even at the most unexpected time.

Posted in My little guy


I have a 9 month old boy at home. This morning, as he sat playing with his sippy cup, he leaned backwards a bit too far. I watched in panic. I knew he was going to fall backwards. I was too far to catch him. I sort of, shouted out to my hubby, who was a bit closer to him, in hopes that he would catch him. But I knew hubby could not make it in time.As I braced myself to watch him take a little fall, he swiftly put his hand behind and balanced himself. I could only stare.


2 weeks ago, this would have been a sure stumble. Watching his instincts develop , fascinates me . Immediately following his birth, he somehow knew that he had to suck his milk. One day, he knew he wanted to fall on his tummy. When it was time, he knew how to sit. Soon, he knew how to crawl, he knew how to stand holding things and today, he somehow figured how to balance himself while falling.

My little guy is growing up.


Posted in thoughts

Oh my phone!

I spend an insane amount of time on my phone. It’s quite alarming.

Photo by Hasan Albari on

I use my phone a lot. From tracking my appointments, making grocery lists to reading books, my phone has become my go to. I knew I used my phone quite a bit. Recently, I came upon an app to track my phone usage and decided to give it a go. Just for fun. To see how I fared everyday.And the result has been quite shocking.

My screen time every day is an insane amount of hours that I am quite embarrassed to even mention out loud. Only 40 % of the time is justifiable. The other 60 % is purely wasted time. While I am not against checking out social media everyday, the number of times I check is ridiculous. It starts with a check and very soon, I’m watching a video on how to make a brownie and reading about the Royals.

The only game I play is ‘words with friends’ online (Oh, if you would like to play with me, let me know 🙂 ). And that takes up an hour of my day. I don’t sit and play for an hour everyday, but I do play 5 minutes every now and then. Guess, I did that 12 times today. This is beginning to deeply disturb me.

So there, I’m acknowledging it. I have a phone problem. I’m going to intentionally reduce the time I spend with my phone. I’ll let you know in a week how I’m faring. Till then, may all be well with the world.

Posted in thoughts, Uncategorized

Lest we forget.

I love history. Not the boring kind involving dates and conquests but the kind about how people lived and survived before all the comforts arrived. The city I live in is surrounded by such museums and historical places and I quite love visiting such places.

Usually when I step into such places, my imagination runs wild. I can imagine the dinosaurs walking, the people hunting bison, people trying to conquer the harsh winters. I could go on .

On Remembrance Day this year, I got a chance to visit the Military museum in Calgary. And oh, it was everything I love – the stories behind events, the lifestyle during war times, the uniforms worn, the extraordinary courage certain men and women displayed, the loyalty to the queen.

As I walked out, there was a bit of sadness. The number of lives lost. The families torn apart. The pain people went through. The energy spent on completing a mission.

I realize this is still happening in parts of the worlds today. Lives being lost. Battles being fought without end in sight. How did mankind end up in this state?

I’m blessed to be living in the place where we live and in the time that we live in.

To all the soldiers past and present…. Thank you.

May God give us peace.

Posted in All about Him, I care, thoughts

What is life really about?

Right from our birth, we are taught that God made us special. That He made us unique. That God love us. That we were made in the image of God. That God will bless us. All of these statements are absolutely true. But I bet you, as you read the above statements, it made you feel good. It makes me feel good. Who doesn’t like knowing God is on our side?

Re- read the statements again. This time, emphasis on the ‘God’ part.

GOD made us special. HE made us unique. GOD loves us. We were MADE in the image of GOD. GOD will bless us.

It feels totally different to me to suddenly focus on God and not on the ‘me’ part. God begins to look big and ‘me’ does not seem to matter anymore.

The last few years, things haven’t exactly happened the way I wished in my life. I wondered why. I asked God ‘why?’ so many times. While the answer did not come one night as I slept or while a thunder rolled, it did come. Over the years. Slowly, I am perhaps understanding the ‘WHY?’

Maybe this life really isn’t about me and my needs.

If this life was all about me, then God, being the loving God He is, would run this world around me. My loved ones should not die. I should have the best paying job. No sickness would harm me. That includes the cold and the cough. I doubt, all these would make me ‘unselfish’ and more like Him.

So…..If this life isn’t about me, perhaps, it is about the Glory of God. If so, the fights over who should wash the dishes at home, does it matter anymore? Does it matter how many vacations we take or how many places we see? Does it matter how expensive our gifts are?

If life was about me, it would matter what happens to me or what injustice I went through. But it isn’t.

If this life is about the Glory of God, then all that matters is… someone washes the dishes. That I am rested enough to have strength to carry on my life for the Glory of God.

If you agree with me on the concept of, ‘this life is all about the Glory of God’. Let me ask a few questions that may perhaps help you see clearer.

In that last 24 hours, what did you do for the Glory of God.?

How much thought was spent thinking about God vs thinking about yourself?

How much of your time yesterday was invested towards eternity?

Did God really get the Glory for your last victory?

I cannot answer these questions without feeling a bucket load of guilt.

Take time to think. Is this life, really about you or me?

Could it be all about the ‘Glory of God’? (Isaiah 43)