CMB Series : FiGHtS

Fights are inevitable in any marriage.I think. Hubby and I had one recently.Not very pleasant but definitely an eye-opener for me.

Hubby and I have been together for years now. We’ve been like best friends for years before we got married. But the part which most people find unbelievable is that we never fought with each other in all those years.(Maybe, we’re just angels.. the both of us 🙂 ) We never even had any arguments too.Until a month before our wedding 🙂 See, the change Marriage brings? A month before our wedding, we started arguing about our wedding plans. But after few days, we decided that we won’t let it bother our relationships and the differences disappeared.

And we have not fought after marriage too. Until last week. That’s when we had, what I call our first fight ever. Lasted close to 12 hours and then we were back to normal. 🙂 So, here is all that I learnt in that 12 hours.

  1. There is no winner / loser in any fight/ argument between couples. Cause the moment you think you win, you lose to your ego.
  2. There is no right and wrong way to fight. Of course, flying vessels and slamming doors are definitely a no-no.
  3. It is quite interesting to observe the different approaches both of you take, to express anger.In our case, one takes the silent approach and the other, the sulking approach.
Now that I think about it, I don’t think my parents ever fought. I don’t remember them fighting. Even once. Or maybe they were just too good at not showing it in front of the kids.But, considering the kind of people mom n dad are, I think the former is more possible.

I think that fights can be quite healthy in any marriage if there is a mutual respect for each other. Else, I am not quite sure. What ever be the case, all soon to be married friends of mine… brace yourself for this change.Cause, this is one change that will definitely happen.

All the married friends of mine… Your thoughts on this are welcome.Also, when was your first fight after marriage?

For more of the CMB series, click here.


Fighting the J monster.

I’m at home.I’m sure most of you on my FB list must have guessed  by now (judging by the pics I upload) that I don’t have a job yet.I know my work permit is on its way.What I don’t know is, on which way it is.And sitting at home is definitely not a walk in the park for me.

My latest FB update …. Yes, that’s how jobless I am.

My dish washing liquid is pink and has Vitamin-E...How cool is that??? But the Vitamin E part... not sure why... :)

My dish washing liquid is pink and has Vitamin-E...How cool is that??? But the Vitamin E part... not sure why... 🙂

I am not actually complaining about being at home, rather I am complaining about the fact that at times, I feel like I am doing nothing useful sitting at home.Remember the saying, ‘An idle mind is the Devils workshop’?. Well, I can vouch that this is so totally true.

Now, that I am at home, I have plenty of time to think.I think about people, I think about career, I think about the world.I sometime pity my hubby, cause he has to listen to all my bright and not so bright observations and ideas (that resulted from my thinking) when he comes back from office.I am bored of NetFlix, tribal wars, Facebook. Believe me when I say, there is a limit to which a human can stare at the Facebook wall waiting for someone to update the status so that I can ‘like’ it.Been there. Done that.

I love thinking.But it sometimes lands me in deep trouble. Let me give you a sample situation. I think about somene. Think about something they have that I don’t have and Pronto, I am disappointed.Disappointed that I do not have it, even though I have no interest in it or a desire to posses it.

The green eyed J monster is definitely not an easy monster to chase away. It requires exercising my memory to remember that who I am, is not defined by what I do or what I posses or where I am.I keep repeating something like this over and over to myself. ‘I do not have to do what X does. I do not have to be the way X is. I do not have to have what X has. God made me the way I am. I am an unique God’s creation’.

The best feeling in all this confusion is the sense of security I feel, every time I think about God.And this, is how I battle the J monster.

And Oh! I did get a lot of interesting comments and info for my fb picutre.

Do you battle the J monster too?

PS : If you had not already figured it out yet, J refers to Jealousy .

Okotoks… A silent whisperer of History.

What started as a thought for a pleasure drive to kill the two hours we had in hand, soon turned out to be a drive down the history lane and a chance to see the country side.

Hubby and I, along with another couple wanted to go out and explore the place a little bit and we found ourselves in a small town called Okatoks, just outside of Calgary.Right from trying to pronounce the name of the town to its historic tales, it proved to be an unique experience for me.This is the closest, I have ever been to the countryside.

Let me warn you upfront that my memory is not that great, so I may not have all the facts, figures and names correct. 🙂 But, the stories… you bet, I got it right….

The town of Okatoks

Okatoks is located 18 kms south of Calgary along the Sheep River Valley and resembles to what I call, a country life. The town itself is small and amazingly beautiful. There are no high rise buildings and residents are super friendly.The city streets are not multi-laned(except a few) and the town itself is quiet.There are a lot of ranches around and horses just grazing along the fields.

Okatoks had a population of just 1000 in 1960 but currently stands at around 24000 (according to a resident).Before the arrival of trains, they had something called as the bull train where bulls were used to carry in the supplies and other materials.These bull trains were close to 400 mts long  and they travelled at a speed of 18 kms per day. That means what took us 40 mins to travel by car had taken them close to 3 days.

Some interesting tales of the town.

  • There had been floods in the town, the latest huge one being in 2005 where the entire town was flooded.
  • There had been a couple of accidental  fires in this town that had burnt down buildings every now and then.One notable fire was when some arsonist set fire to couple of buildings before he was caught.
  • The teacher for the first school lived some 30 kms away and traveled by a horse to teach at the school.And during winter, she just camped nearby.
  • When the town was beginning to come alive, the government offered free land to lure people into coming there.

The Station Cultural Center

The station Cultural Centre, Okotoks, Alberta which was once a Canadian Pacific Railway station

The station Cultural Centre, Okotoks, Alberta which was once a Canadian Pacific Railway station

The cultural center holds many themed exhibitions and at the time we visited, it was the ‘Egyptian’ themed exhibits.The exhibit had many jewellery , utensils and other stuff from the ancient times with many models of things like Mummies.Proved to be an interesting read and view.

The Building itself has a history behind it. It had been the Okatoks Railway Station with Canadian Pacific sending its last train sometime in the 70’s.The station still has the railway lines and resemble scenes out of movies.A lovely place with huge trees around it.

Okatoks Museum

An amazing two floored structure that told us the history of Okatoks. Stories of the first people to land in Okatoks. Pictures of various important events in the town. The olden day household articles are displayed with a story of the respective owners. An amazing leather vest that was hand made for a nurse, the bag in which sugar was sold and the earlier washing ways are just  few of the items displayed.The things in the museum were all simple, but what made them priceless was the story behind every picture.
The museum building that was moved from one land to another

The museum building that was moved from one land to another

The museum itself has an interesting story behind it. In olden days, the museum had been a house to many a people before it came to be what it is today. In 2000, the government wanted to bring the structure down as it was in the way of their road plans. But the community decided that this building was too priceless to be torn down. The whole town pitched in the amount and the entire house was moved from the old location to its current location. And they have pictures of the move with people cheering and celebrating.

The Big Rock

The town got its name from a big piece of rock (called the Big Rock.No creativity there) that has supposedly travelled 415 km some 10,000 years ago.Big Rock is a piece of glacial erratic rock. As the official website of Okotoks says, ‘Erratics are rocks that are not native to the area where they are found, but were transported in the ice of a glacier during the ice age. Big Rock comes from the Wisconsin glacier (Jasper area).‘. Some sites also claim that Big Rock is the largest erractics in the present world.

The Big Rock is located some 10 kms southwest of Okotoks.It is a huge piece of rock that stands out in the open grounds. The beauty of it is because no other rock can be found in the surrounding areas.

The Blackfoot Legend of the Big Rock

Big Rock, Okotoks, Alberta

Big Rock, Okotoks, Alberta

On a hot summer day,a guy called  Napi, wanted to rest on a rock. He spread his robe on the rock, telling the rock to keep the robe in return for letting him rest there. Suddenly, the weather changed and Napi became cold as the wind whistled and the rain fell. Napi asked the rock to return his robe, but the rock refused. Napi got mad and just took the clothing. As he strolled away, he heard a loud noise and turning, he saw the rock was rolling after him. Napi ran for his life. The deer, the bison and the pronghorn were Napi’s friends, and they tried to stop the rock by running in front of it. The rock rolled over them. Napi’s last chance was to call on the bats for help. Fortunately, they did better than their hoofed neighbours, and by diving at the rock and colliding with it, one of them finally hit the rock just right and it broke into two pieces.   Not only does this story explain why the rock is in two pieces, but also why bats have squashed-looking faces. The tale provides helpful caution against taking back what you have given away.

                                                                                                          – The official website of Okotoks.

I am kinda sure this tale is not true, but one thing is sure.The climate can change in a second. It is supposedly summer here, but at the Big Rock,when I visited, it was so windy and freezing cold.

So, here are few pictures of Okotoks for you.

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Me, a priest? Ain’t I the good samaritan?

I cannot seem to forget an incident that happened a few weeks back. For reasons that I do not know, I kept thinking about it frequently until today, when I finally realized something out of it. So, here goes.

I was on my way to church one Sunday and well,..actually I was a bit late. So I was in a bit of a hurry. On my way, I noticed a man loading what seemed like carton of boxes (seemingly not very heavy) onto a cart. Just as I was quite near him, it toppled and fell.So, he started reloading the boxes.I din’t skip a beat and continued my way to church.

That’s it. This is the incident that I couldn’t seem to get out of my head.And today all of a sudden, I remembered the good Samaritan story that Jesus said in the Bible and I, seemed to fit right in.For those of you who may not know the story, here it is.

The Good Samaritan Story

There was a man on a journey.On the way, couple of thieves caught hold of up, beat him up, took all his belongings and left him to die by the roadside. A priest passed that way and so did a Levite (a holy person appointed by God). Both of them saw the dying man but passed by refusing to help.A samaritan (a socially low-caste person) came by and helped this dying man.

I’ve heard this story a lot of times since I was small and every time I heard it, I resolved in my heart to be the good Samariton. All the time. But it never occurred to me that maybe I was already the priest or the Levite.Cause, here I was, on my way to church and helping someone on the road, din’t even occur to me.After all, I am sure God would be more attentive to whether I helped someone compared to whether I was on church in time.

Agreed that this was not a life threatening situation but it could have been a life changing situation.Just maybe. Now, I’ll never know.

My friends tell me that I think too much at times and that we can’t always help everybody we come across.But I think that maybe this is the reason that this world is so screwed up right now. Cause we believe in a lie that maybe we can’t help everybody who comes our way.I know it is a lie cause I’ve seen my dad.He is one person who has never, ever said no to someone who needed help.Even if they din’t ask for it.(Happy Father’s day, dad. 🙂 )

so, here’s to me, trying to be a good Samaritan. Anybody with me?

My crazy learning for the day.

A wise man once said, ‘You learn something every day if you pay attention.’. And this wise girl now says, ‘Right on, Mister’.

I would say that today has been a very eventful day for my brain.Cause it learnt/realized and re-learnt/remembered a lot of things today.Facts like,

  • You can throw in more garbage if only the garbage bin was a little bigger.
  • The more you sleep, the more sleepier you feel.
  • Firedrills are no fun.Especially if you live in the 22nd floor.(I used to get excited about Firedrills while at work cause it meant a half hour break but then again, I was working in the ground floor then.)
  • Tomatoes are expensive. I mean like really expensive.And here I was using them like crazy last week.I bought tomatoes paying the price of a Diary milk silk (in India) for one tomato.I guess that means no tomato based dish at my house for the next couple of days.
  • Preparing a resume is hard.Especially when you’ve had three different kind of jobs in the last 3 years.
  • Placing a chappati (an Indian dish) on the stove and watching an Angry Bird ad on laptop is not to be done at the same time.If done, brace yourself for a burnt and black chapati.(Sorry, no pictures this time.)

I guess what I am trying to say is, one can never stop learning.I bet you can try but I don’t think that you can succeed.The thing about learning is that, it is never just about technology, books and school. Anytime your brain realizes for the first time or remembers an already learnt fact, I call it a learning.Anything that makes y0u a even a little bit more wiser is a learning.

The one good thing about being a fool is that, you can never BE a fool.The moment you realize that something you did was foolish, you are no longer a fool. Cause when you are a fool, you will  never realize you are being foolish.You could have been a fool in the past, but you can never be a fool in the present.Even after realizing that you were a fool, and you continue to be the same, then you cannot be called a fool. You have to be named something else.(If someday, this theory catches on, then please do not forget to mention my name as the theory owner. )

So, whats your crazy learning for today?

On a completely unrelated note, wanted to leave you with a smile to get you through your monday blues.

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The Lion Theory

There is an old comparison in Tamil (my native language) that men are like lions. Or rather, I’ve heard old grannies comparing little baby boys to lion cubs.Now, there is a reason why I said it as an old comparison.Cause no one uses it these days or even thinks of such things these days.Except for my husband and his pack of friends.Supposedly, the LIONS club.

I don’t remember how it all started, but some time back my husband started proclaiming that men are like lions. Sadly enough, his theory caught on and now almost all his friends declare themselves to be lions.Heck, they even tag themselves on pictures of lions.

So here is their theory.Its pretty fascinating, I should say.So, to fully understand the LION theory, read on.

Men are like lions. So what?

  • Lions hunt and bring food for the family. Inference? Men will work while women have to work in the kitchen. (This is in fact not a true lion fact but the Lions club members claim it to be.)
  • Lions eat almost anything in case of hunger.Inference? Men will eat anything if they are hungry. (This is in fact true in real life. With men as well as lions.)
  • Lions are considered the king of the jungle. Inference? Men are considered to be the ruler of the house.(The important word here is CONSIDERED.To all the women out there, lets just let the men think that they are the king.Trust me, you can get a lot of peace if you just let them think they rule . 🙂 )
  • The lion protects the pride. Inference? Men protect the family.(OK, I can live with this one.)
  • Lions roar.Inference? When men talk,its actually a roar.

So, here you go.I am pretty much sure that you have a clear idea about the Lions theory now.Fascinating isn’t it?The following is a brief conversation that took place some time back in one of our friend’s house.

Mr X   :   Mrs.X,I want some water.
Mrs X :   Why should I get it for you Mr.X?
Mr.X   :   I am SINGAM. (singam is the tamil word for a Lion)

According to the lion’s club members, ‘I am a Lion’ is all the explanation needed for the wife to do what the husband wants.I am definitely not going to tell you what Mrs.X actually gave Mr.X following this conversation.You can very well imagine that.

Before any one gets the impression that my hubby and his friends are hard core old fashioned MCPs (Male chauvinist Pigs) , I must tell you that they are, quite in fact the total opposite of what they claim to be.For the wives of the members of the Lion’s club, this works perfectly well for us.. So, we just let them play pretend that they have never seen the kitchen in the house. 🙂


For more lion stories… click here.

When much becomes too much….

This seems to be my constant struggle. Identifying when much becomes too much.All of us have some much in our lives. For some it could be money, for some it could be time, for some it could be the desire to succeed and for some it could just be a hobby.Like me.But the truth is, all of us have a much in our lives.

I recently found a much in my life.And it was not pretty.It was out in the open for my heart to see it but somehow, the love for my much made me live in self-denial for quite a while.And in that while, my much grew on to be too much.So, I did what I had to so.Sat, prayed about it and deleted it.That’s right.I deleted it.(Is your mind thinking too much about what my much could have been? Forget it,I’ll never say.)

I’ve grown up knowing that anything other than God should never be my number one priority.But I understand that for the past couple of days, my much had been my number one priority. This realization actually comes as a big shocker to me cause I never imagined that such a trivial much  could become so important in my life.

This is not the first time that I have traveled this dark path.In fact, I had ridden this path quite a few times already.But the best part is, every time I find myself in the deep pit, God gives me  a lift right back to where I should have been.And that is what is called GRACE. Undeserving yet always abounding.Maybe that’s why it’s called Amazing Grace.

So, what’s your much? And have you experienced your dose of God’s grace today?