My mom knows me. I mean she really knows me. Just like every mother knows her daughter. I love singing and I usually keep humming some song or the other most of the time. I am also good at hiding my sadness and disappointments. Or, that’s what I used to think until I realized my mom knew it all. Once during a conversation she told me, ‘I usually know how you are feeling based on the songs you hum or sing at home’. Wow! I did not realize it myself but when I began to notice it after that conversation, ‘She was right on!’ Like they say, moms are always right! .
In the first year of my marriage, I found myself getting upset over a lot of things easily because I was just getting used to being responsible and being married. Oddly enough (or so I thought) hubby had no clue each time that I was upset. So I would sing just like I always do but only now, I would deliberately choose a song with words that would convey what I felt. Hubby was supposed to get it. I mean, come on, my mom got it. Even before I told her, she knew how I was feeling. If mom knew, hubby must know better. But hubby didn’t.
That made me even more upset. This went on for some time and one day, I could no longer hold it in that I shamelessly told my hubby, ‘you know, my mom always knew how I was feeling based on the songs I sang’. Hubby was supposed to interpret that as ‘If you listen to the words of my song, you will know how I feel and based on that, you are supposed to react.’ But hubby dint take the hint. This went on for a while and every time this happened, my mind would dance around with thoughts like ‘ Doesn’t he love me? My mom loved me and she knew me. Doesn’t he know me at all?’’ Doesn’t he care about how I feel’? ‘Does he not notice I’m singing a sad love failure song?’
I love lights. I love the lights on the road; I love the lights on the tree. I love lights anywhere in a dark room. And I love our Christmas tree with all its lights in our house. Ever since the tree has been up, I do not turn on the lights in our hall because to me, the tree looks beautiful when the lights are off. And hubby darling knew that. Since we turn off the Christmas tree when we go to sleep, Hubby finds every opportunity to turn them on for me. Like this morning, when I came out of the shower, hubby had already left to work. But not before turning off the lights in the hall and turning on the Christmas tree. Like two days back when he left for the gym while I was still sleeping. He turned on the Christmas tree so that was the first thing I saw when I woke up. And trust me, he does not care about whether the lights are on or off. I know in my heart, that he does it each time for me. And I smile every time I look at the tree. Cause I love the lights. But more because, I see what hubby darling is doing for me.
It’s been 3 years now and my hubby still does not react to any of my songs like how I would want him to react. And thankfully, I too have stopped singing situation songs. However, I am slowly realizing that marital love is completely different from parental love. When we keep looking for signs that we think are the right signs, we tend to miss out completely on the unique signs. I realize now, that my mom saw me every day for 25 years and she knew me. But hubby has seen me every day for only 3 years and for me to expect the same signs are pointless. Now, I am on the lookout every day for these small signs. They are small and hidden. But these ‘love’ signs are everywhere. There’s no right place to look cause it’s like a treasure hunt game. You don’t know what’s hidden or where it is hidden. But once you keep on looking, you will find them. Slowly and steadily. Once you know a few signs, the rest will become easy to see.
And knowing and seeing these signs, somehow gives us wives a whole lot of ‘heart’ happiness. There is nothing like knowing your husband loves you. He really does. Look for the signs.