Love is ….

After  a week of fighting with hubby and reflecting on everything that he wasn’t doing for me, I was lead to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. For the first time, these verses came alive to me and I understood what it was all about.And as I read these verses, I began to understand, what an epic failure I was when I judged myself based on these verses.

Love is patient – FAIL

Love is kind – I certainly have not been kind to hubby lately.

It does not envy – Please God, don’t let me fail this one.

It is not proud – ummm. Guilty

It does not dishonor others – Guilty. At this point, I am begining to sense a pattern here. 

It is not self seeking – Groan! Re-reading my first line of this post.

It is not easily angered – Red Flag! Red Flag!

It keeps no record of wrongs – (Are you kidding me? ) I have to re-think my entire life. Huge Guilty!

Love does not delight in evil – Let me pass this one too God, please?

Rejoices in the truth – Hopefully, this is a pass.

Always protects – A pass. Maybe?

Always trusts – My biggest area of failure.

Always hopes – My second biggest area of failure.

Always persevere –  I give up too easily. Sometimes even before I start trying. FAIL!

Sigh! I need to work on a whole lot of things in my life.  I need to learn what LOVE really means. It is certainly not what I have been practicing lately. And I sure am glad that God is not giving up on me.He is still working on me to make me who I ought to be.

Have you checked your life with 1 Cor 13:4-6 lately? I sure hope you fare better than I did. If not, relax. God still loves you. There is hope yet, for all of us.

Standing at the Crossroads

The past few weeks have been differently weird for me. Different in the sense, I’ve had to take a decision that I have never taken before. So in the past few weeks, I’ve had to think about my decision, take me decision and let people know about my decision. I’ve had to deal with people’s reactions, my own doubts, what I feel is God’s plan for my life, my own doubts, our financials and my own doubts. And Oh, did I mention my own doubts?

God has blessed me with a wonderful job. The best job I’ve ever had in my life. I have absolutely no complains about my job. And the folks at my job want me to continue working for them. Everything is so perfect except (I think) God rocked my boat for reasons I do not know yet. So I stand at the crossroads now.

Lately, all I could ever think of was how, I needed to take a break from working. For what? It started as just a de-stressing time but it soon ballooned into this whole desire to pursue my dreams. And the funny thing is, my dreams are not huge. My dreams do not involve being an entrepreneur or writing a book or something that I’ve heard other people follow. My dreams are simple. They just involve me and a few lives around me.

So here I stand at the crossroads. I’ve decided which path I’m going to go. I am just waiting for the signal to turn green, so I can go. But these last moments at the crossroads, when I still have a chance to change my decision, are proving to be harder than I thought. I have my indicator on, so people can see where I am heading and I can hear them asking why? A guy shouts from his path, “Where is this path that you are taking, headed?” I reply, ‘I don’t know’. Another lady waves, ‘Good Luck down that road’.  A friend asks, ‘Are you going to come back to our path?’ ‘I don’t know. I hope this path leads me down the other path soon so I can join the crowd again.

As I stand at the crossroads, I am thinking about a lot of things. Like, how much hold money has on me. Like, how uncertain future is. Like how scared I am of uncertainty. What following your dreams mean. What stepping out in faith means. What listening to God means. What facing my doubts mean.

Standing here, my greatest discomfort is not knowing why. Why am I doing this? Why I am doing this now? What am I giving up my job for? And my answers to all of the above is, ‘I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.’

All I know is, I’m giving it all up to follow my heart and my heart follows Jesus. And I believe God put this thought into my heart. – The world will always push you to do more. At some point, you have to pause and say ‘Enough. What I have is enough’.

And with this thought in my heart I accelerate towards the path I have chosen.